


Heart Attack

by sharedwithyou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, But Loki Does What He Wants, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Mindfuck, Protective Thor, So Loki Doesn't Get a Hug, That's What Makes This Fic Awesome, Thor Also Needs A Hug, Thor Feels, everyone is stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-26 08:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3843391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Heart Attack- Enrique Iglesias</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna help you forget Jane.” Those were the words that started it all. Neither of you had complained.</p><p>Friends with benefits; fuck buddies; whatever you wanna call it. It always starts out so easy- so fun. Until someone gets attached right? Blah blah blah pull up a blanket, some tissues and a box of chocolates for a movie marathon. </p><p> </p><p>Well pull up a blanket lovelies!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Listening to song may enhance experience. It may not, but why don't you try it? ;)
> 
> Gimme some love lovelies if you enjoyed!
> 
> I'm really proud of how this one turned out.

“I’m gonna help you forget Jane.” Those were the words that started it all. Neither of you had complained.

 

Friends with benefits; fuck buddies; whatever you wanna call it. It always starts out so easy- so fun. Until someone gets attached right? Blah blah blah pull up a blanket, some tissues and a box of chocolates for a movie marathon.

 

And it was fun; that was undeniable. Running through the hallways just out of his fingertips until he got impatient and swept you up into the air and pressed you against the wall. His kisses were rough and oh so sweet; his stubble scratching at your skin until Loki would tease you incessantly about “beard burn.” Whatever that was.

 

There were no rules; he’d be in bed in some chambermaid when you walked in to use his shower; she’d be gone when you came back out and he’d be tugging at your towel. As long as he didn’t look at you like you were Jane, in the middle of the night pulling you back into his arms because he was lonely and what, you were the same height as her? To cuddle while he dreamed his sorrow away.

 

He kept a pair of your panties in his armoire just in case; he had torn a few away in his eagerness, and you didn’t complain. He would try to make it hard for you to walk the next day, and you would see how loud you could get him to moan and how many servants would hear. If there was a contest, there was never a clear winner.

 

Then she called. Literally. She was outside his door and knocking, calling his name, and your dress was halfway up your thighs when he shoved you into the closet to let her in. Well, that was enough.

 

He was exciting, thrilling and good. So damn good. But you weren’t a secret tryst or some silent mistress. The game was changing and you were about to make some rules.

 

You didn’t burst out that day, and interrupt his sorry plea for them to work things out again. No, you waited until they started making disturbing noises and crept out as Thor shielded you from her view with his impressive torso. It would have made a nice outburst for you to fuss and fake some tears. But he wasn’t yours from the very beginning, and you weren’t his to be had, whether he wanted it or not. Whether you wanted it or not.

 

You wouldn’t see him until they broke it off a week later. He pestered Loki about your whereabouts, during which the raven beauty played the good sport and repeated the answer you had asked him to. “(Y/n) is on vacation while your regular is back to satisfy you.”

 

The day she shoved him into the vanity and shattered the mirror, you were in the garden where Loki usually stayed. His desperate eyes were a nice touch as he pulled on your hands, kissing your forehead and begging you not to leave without a note again. You peeled off his armor quickly, but your dress was back on within minutes. He furrowed his brow at you when you bid him off cheerfully without an excuse. You closed the door behind you as he spoke your name again, confused.

 

Hours later, when he came knocking at your door, you let him in with a grin. You narrowed your eyes at him when he grasped your hands in his, keeping them from playing with his belt. When he just “wanted to talk” you put on your most pitiful face and yawned convincingly. He left without discussing “where we are.”

 

You’re sure he was grateful the next day, though, when Jane came to his open loving arms, crying. That day when he knocked on your door, the handmaidens told him you weren’t back yet. And he believed them.

 

You’d think he’d be at least a little appreciative when you failed to ignore Jane after she approached you and introduced herself. She was a friendly girl, and you got on quite well without jealousy. Apparently Thor wasn’t too happy as he found you later and cursed you out, telling you to never speak to her again. You obliged, but never failed to return her greetings nonetheless; that would be rude, and you had nothing against her.

 

A few days later, when Jane stormed out talking about “how controlling he was being,” and that she was “trying to get comfortable in a new place and should be allowed to make her own friends,” you made yourself scarce should she attempt to find consolation with your company. This time, Thor was thankful. He beseeched you to tell nothing, which you gladly agreed to; apparently your assurances beforehand that you had no such ideas was not enough. He had gone in for a kiss, which you returned with a short peck. When he asked you what was wrong, you had told him the truth. That there needed to be some changes; he needed to make the distinction between Jane and you. Jane was his lover. You were… well what were you? Perhaps a distraction, to fill in the gaps when she was gone. He urged you not to feel used, and you didn’t; you had known what you were getting into from the beginning. Jane coming to Asguard had been unexpected, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. That is, unless he wanted it to be.

 

He didn’t. And if that were the case, you needed to show him some boundaries.

 

If he and Jane had a fight, he was not to come to you unless they were expressly on a break. No more deep, heart-felt kisses; that’s what they said in that Midguard movie right? The one Jane loved? The one about the prostitute whose love was bought. Loki had tried to torment you with this, but failed miserably. Especially when you mentioned his many indiscretions; none of which, by the way, you had judged him with. If all parties were privy to the knowledge, the all was fair game. See? Things could be fair in love and war; or love, at the very least.

 

Except it wasn’t fair to Jane, you realized. Engaging in activities of… fun nature were one thing. But she wanted something more from Thor, something to which you laid no claim, nor wished to take. Just as you warned Loki of staying away from the one’s who wanted love, you wanted to do the same with Thor. Or Jane. Whoever was getting the short end of the stick at this point.

 

Then he said the L word. The night you told him the truth, but not the whole truth, he told you he loved you. You wanted to accuse him of lying, but that seemed less productive than elaborating. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you Thor.”

 

“Then why are you leaving me?!” You had thought that telling him only that would make things simpler, but maybe a simple man did not live only on simple terms.

 

“It’s not you-“

 

“Don’t give me the it’s not you it’s me crap!”

 

“Midguard drivel, I suppose.”

 

“Damn right.”

 

“Jane loves you.”

 

“You can’t ask me to choose between the two of you!”

 

“Why must you be so dense?!” Tempers were rising.

 

“I think you’re the one getting confused on where you stand!” Well that was hurtful. And untrue.

 

“On the contrary, Thor. It is you who is confused. On where we stand.”

 

“Is that so?!”

 

Jane had banged on your door then, asking you if everything was alright. Since she knew little about the situation, she assumed he was taking his anger at their split out on you. You felt a rush of guilt and hated it; you had signed up for something morally questionable, but on level ground. Both you and Thor knew what you wanted. Or at least what you were going to do. Jane had signed up for none of this.

 

“If you don’t tell her, I will.” Those words almost burst out, but you stopped yourself. You were one to keep promises, and you had given Thor your word you would keep mum about it.

 

“Everything is fine,” you had called out, while Thor’s expression of fear turned back to anger. The coward was ready to be mad again as soon as you covered his ass this time.

 

She stayed a moment, unsure, but she had no reason to doubt either of you.

 

 

“Look what you’ve done!” Even in a whisper, Thor’s words blew out like notes from a trumpet.

 

“What I’ve done?!” This was so ludicrous you were shaken to your core; then you realized that he was incapable of reason at the moment. He was a hot head, just like his brother.

 

“Thor, I think we should stop seeing each other.” That should be clear enough for him.

 

He stared at you, utterly betrayed. That was becoming, really; playing the victim.

 

He nearly broke the door when he closed it. Well if a few mangled hinges were what it took to shake the dust from your boots, you figured you had cut your losses pretty well.

 

 

What really shook you was seeing Jane scurrying away from you with puffy red eyes the next day. You found Loki in the garden; you weren’t speaking to Thor for anything.

 

“I’m surprised he had the courage to tell.”

 

“Life is full of surprises.”

 

“I guess.” He gave you a look, before clearing his throat. “As it were, he didn’t.”

 

“What?!” You gave him a puzzled look.

 

“I did.”

 

“You- WHAT?!” You were sure the look on your face was similar to the one on Thor’s last night. The thought struck you and you loosened your fists. You supposed you hadn’t expressly told Loki not to tattle. Obviously it was implied; but with the God of Lies nothing was certain.

 

“I was doing you a favor.” Your eyes were slits now; you could forgive his actions easier than his little excuses.

 

“(y/n).” The tone in his voice had changed; not nearly as arrogant or disdainful.

 

“What.” Yours had lost it’s fire; it was flat and cold.

 

“Do you think Thor would have left you alone otherwise?” That know-it-all bastard.

 

“And so you thought you’d help me out by breaking Jane’s heart?!”

 

“Don’t act so innocent!” He was indignant now.

 

“I’m not! I actually like her! And I made it clear to Thor we weren’t going to do this at her expense!”

 

“Hmm. If you say so.” You wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.

 

“Oh come off it; Thor goes and messes things up and you take it out on me?” He was so blind. Though he didn’t have to go into your head to see how much you hated him right now.

 

“You made things worse!”

 

“If you’re going to point fingers, do it at the right people!” He had his hands on your shoulders now and was shaking you fiercely. You bashed your forearms against his so he would let go.

 

“Ow! Fuck, (y/n)!”

 

“No. Fuck. You.” You turned your back on the Prince of Frost, though you knew better.

 

You felt a jolt against your skin a second later. Your legs crumpled on impact, and the rest of you followed.

 

“(y/n)!” The horror in his voice brought you little comfort.

 

“Your temper, Loki. It needs work.”

 

“Oh my god.” His hands were glowing above you, and you could feel the blood pumping way too fast through your veins.

 

“What now?”

 

His eyes turned to yours with terror. You opened your mouth, but no more words came out.

 

 

“Heart attack.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blahblah Angst blahblah comment if you enjoyed blahblahblah ;)
> 
> now let's get to the random ramblings!
> 
> Thor is hot. Friends with benefits is hot. Everything else in between is less hot. Still hot. But also complicated.
> 
> Quick poll: Who's at the most fault; Thor, Loki or you? (Or jane? What the hell you motherfuckers if you actually pick jane!)
> 
> Welll, this escalated. Loki is dumb. Thor is also dumb.
> 
> Quick poll: Who's more dumb (IN THIS SITUATION GUYS) Loki or Thor?
> 
> Gimme your thoughts and feels on this!!
> 
> This is the first multi-chapter fic i've posted in a while. I've actually already finished it, which is why i feel comfortable posting the beginning (so i don't get block in the middle and stress myself half to death)
> 
> What will happen next?! DUNDUNDUN. Give me some love to find out! Also, let me know your predictions! ;)
> 
> That's all this time lovellies! XOXO


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's about to go down...
> 
> again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your support and comments it's so encouraging to me!!!
> 
> now on with the show!! or show down... dUNDUNDUN
> 
> leave me a comment if you enjoyed!

“Well, now I can use the phrase you almost gave me a heart attack at least.” In the healer’s ward, an attendant shushed you and pressed a cool cloth to your forehead. You weren’t sure how that was supposed to help, but it was probably for her own peace of mind than yours.

 

There was a sniffle-laugh at the foot of your cot, so you sat up to see who it was. You were pretty sure there was some lovely red hair in the blur you made eye contact with you before you fell backwards. “Jane-“

 

“Shh, save your breath.” She was so nice. “Thor explained everything.”

 

“Thor?” Well what a surprising turn of events.

 

“Yeah.” She sniffled a bit more, before taking a deep breath.

 

“Loki-“

 

“Should go to hell after everything he’s done.” You couldn’t help but smile; and now that your eyes were clearer you saw the look of surprise on her face. “Believe me, this is nothing.”

 

Her mouth shaped into a perfect O and you wondered what Thor saw in… you.

 

“(y/n).” Your musings were interrupted by a gruff voice.

 

“Hello Thor.”

 

“How are you feeling?” You could hear the worry underneath his weird expression.

 

“Just dandy.”

 

“Tell me the truth.”

 

“That’s an ironic statement.” His eyes darkened but he made no retort.

 

“I’ll give you some time alone.” She was an angel.

 

 

“That’s quite a catch you have, Thor.”

 

“Mm.” Was his noncommittal answer.

 

“Don’t fuck it up now.”

 

“…Right.” There was a lot more he wanted to say but you closed your eyes tightly at your pounding head. Or his pounding idiocy. “I’ll… uh… see you later.”

 

“Sure, Thor.” Whatever.

 

You heard him storm off; though he was probably walking normally with his heavy feet.

 

“Thor?”

 

“Yeah?” There was a catch in his voice as he replied, and for a second you doubted yourself. Everything.

 

“Where’s Loki?”

 

“He’s being dealt with.” There was bitterness in that statement; was it because he spilled the beans or because he hurt you?

 

“I see.”

 

“Do you wish to see him?”

 

No shit Sherlock. “That would be nice, yes.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

“Thanks.” I guess. Thanks for nothing. Or everything. Who knows.

 

 

You heard rustling and smiled sadly; Jane had come back to check on you. “I’m deeply sorry Jane.”

 

“It’s okay.” But it wasn’t. Logistically you had done nothing wrong; and yet, her heart had been broken and you had a hand in it.

 

“Don’t beat yourself up. You had a heart attack. I think we’re even.”

 

Your stomach hurt, but you couldn’t help a huge laugh from escaping. Was it nerves, sadness, relief, incredulity? Perhaps all of the above.

 

 

Soon the two of you were shaking with laughter, and the orderly had gotten tired of shushing you and moved on to someone else.

 

“I hope my healing was able to reverse most of the brain damage.” Jane stiffened at the cool voice but you merely waved at him.

 

“They finally let you out of the box?”

 

“I think Father feels I’ve gotten the earful I deserve. Well, Mother does, and convinced him to let me go.”

 

“So you’re on parole then.”

 

“Something like that.” You opened your eyes and saw Loki’s onyx eyes looking down at you seriously. “Are you alright?”

 

“Define alright.”

 

“Functional. Mentally and physically.”

 

“Debatable.” The corners of his mouth twitched until he saw Jane’s death glare and pulled his mask back on. “As it were, you were lucky I didn’t do much damage.”

 

“Yes, you might have had to use mouth to mouth resuscitation and that would have been a great imposition on me.” She relaxed slightly when she saw you weren’t upset. You motioned to her she might want to leave, however, and she happily obliged.

 

“Well it looks like Thor may have two wives instead of one.”

 

“He should be so lucky.”

 

“The two of you get along well.”

 

“Yes we have one important thing in common.”

 

“Thor?”

 

“Yes. We both hate him.”

 

He chuckled slightly, before breaking into a roar of laughter. “I suppose you have two things then.”

 

“How so?”

 

“You both hate me as well.” His eyes were downcast now, but you had known as soon as the bolt hit you that he was sorry.

 

“I don’t hate you.” He looked at you earnestly, so you added, “I want to rip every bone from your body but I don’t hate you.”

 

“I’ll take what I can get.” He stared at his feet once more. “I don’t know what I would’ve done…”

 

“If I ended up a braindead vegetable?”

 

“It’s not funny (y/n).”

 

“Perhaps you’re looking at it from the wrong angle.” He looked at you, perplexed. “You were upside down.”

 

He smiled grimly. “Even from right side up, you don’t look so good.”

 

“Kicking me while I’m down, eh?”

 

“You know what I mean.” He grew closer and touched your hand gingerly; as if you would slap him away.

 

“In that case, try this one.” He lifted an eyebrow, and you scooted to the side of your cot and patted the space next to you.

 

He hesitated, unsure. “I promise you, Loki, it’s a good view from here.”

 

“Will I look less of a jerk?”

 

“Maybe. What have you got to lose.” He nodded, musing, before hopping up beside you. One hand in his lap, the other removing the stupid cloth from your face.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Yeah.” He swung his feet back and forth; a nervous habit you had picked up on him from when you were young.

 

“So?”

 

“What?”

 

“Feel better?”

 

“Eh…”

 

“It’s because you’re not doing it right.”

 

“Doing what?”

 

“Looking.” You patted the space next to you again, and he furrowed his brows. “I can see fine from here.”

 

“Come on. They saw walk a mile in someone’s shoes; to see the world through someone else’s eyes you should probably be on the same plane right?”

 

“Like I said-“

 

“You can see fine from there. Whatever.” You rolled your eyes; here you were, bed-ridden because of his stupid outburst, and he wouldn’t even play along. And you were the one trying to make him feel better?!

 

“I mean…” He paused and replaced the cloth above your eyes with his fingers. They were slender and gentle; his skin cool, dry.

 

“Hmm?” You were starting to get drowsy. You weren’t sure if he had cast a spell to make you rest or if the after-effects were getting to you.

 

“The view is fine from here.” He was looking at you in a way that made your stomach turn; so you were glad when sleep overtook you and you heard him shuffle away.

 

When you woke up later, you realized it was the same look Thor had given you when he told you.

 

 

 

“I love you, (y/n).”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MINDFUCKKK
> 
> NO SHOWDOWN
> 
> ALL FEELS
> 
> GIVE ME SOME LOVE IF YOU ENJOYED
> 
> random ramblings:  
> it wasn't a mindfuck on purpose, it just happened
> 
> damn loki is such a jerk. but i love him in this one. can you feel his love for you? i put it in there. amid all his character flaws because hey, it ain't all sunshine up in here.
> 
> i decided jane's reaction here was pretty perfect; i love how i wrote her. makes me hate thor even more right now.
> 
> loki is really mean. but lovely has grown up with him so she's used to it... and see's how he really cares. hopefully you guys can see it too.
> 
> quick poll: thor or loki? BASED ON THIS FIC PHARM.
> 
> “You were upside down.”- he was looking at his feet so it was like the world was upside down
> 
> and when lovely keeps encouraging him to see things in a different way, her final point was for him to lie down next to her instead of sitting- in a brotherly way though. see lovely's so nice. she does love loki. does loki even deserve you?!
> 
> quick poll: do any of them deserve you?!
> 
> that's all this time lovelies!! XOXO
> 
> “I love you, (y/n)."- Loki doesn't actually say this out loud. Lovely is remembering when Thor said it oh so inappropriately during their last fight. But still...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> will shit go down this time? even i don't know the answer to that! read on to find out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEELSFEELSFEELS
> 
> DRAMA.
> 
> FEELS
> 
> i love this chapter  
> you will too!
> 
> leave a comment if you enjoyed!!!

 

“Well you certainly move quickly.”

 

You had known his presence since he sat down with a great thump, but you had let the silence fester until he had the balls to speak up.

 

“Hmm.” You were feeling much better, but it wasn’t hard to fake a headache around him. Drowsiness was a nice touch.

 

“I mean-“ he shook his head fiercely. Maybe he’d shake the stupidity right out. One could only hope. “It’s none of my business.”

 

“I guess.”

 

“I’m sure I’m just being overly sensitive.” Good God, no one ever accused you of that, Thor! You turned your head slowly towards him and lifted one eyebrow.

 

“Loki.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I saw him get in bed with you.” That sounded so weird coming out of his mouth; context or not.

 

“What are you blabbering about?!”

 

“After you fell asleep last night,” he paused. “Did you not know?!”

 

“I was asleep.” His deductions were mind-boggling.

 

“So…” Thor took a sharp breath in and his blue eyes crackled. “I see how it is!” That makes one of us, champ.

 

“Explain, then.”

 

“My brother- he-“ He jumped up from his seat and shoved an empty cot next to you so hard it knocked two more down.

 

“Good Lord what in Hel are you doing?!”

 

“He pushes you into a coma only to take advantage of you?!”

 

“Woah woah, what?!” Some screws were definitely missing in there. Maybe some key components as well.

 

“You just said he-“ Thor was unable to finish his sentence and decided to slam his hand into a nearby pillar instead. You were pretty sure the cracking was in the marble and not his knuckles.

 

“Oh my god.” You saw where the pieces of the puzzle might have gotten muddled. “Oh, no, not like that Thor!!”

 

“Huh?” He withdrew his fist and flexed his fingers painfully. You saw the darkening marks on fist and felt a twinge, that you couldn’t just push away.

 

“I asked him to stay with me. I just didn’t know he did since… well since I fell asleep.”

 

“…Oh.” Thor looked confused, abashed and very embarrassed. He cleared his throat and looked at his feet for a long moment.

 

“Yeah, it might not seem like the best idea, but hey I wasn’t altogether… well, there, yesterday.” You attempted a joke but it fell flat like a pancake.

 

“Are you feeling better?” His voice had grown uncharacteristically soft, and you stiffened.

 

“Yes. Thanks.” You hoped your curt responses would get him to leave you alone.

 

“Well, I’m glad.” He looked deep in your eyes to show you he meant it; you finally turned when you couldn’t hold his gaze. It didn’t feel right. At all.

 

“And… I figured we should talk. You know, since…” he trailed off, hoping you would finish. How could you, when he didn’t know how either?

 

“Right…” You supposed you’d postponed the inevitable as long as you could.

 

“If it’s my brother you want, I will leave you two to your happiness.” What?! Where was this coming from?!

 

“I-“

 

“I have no right to claim you, not after everything.” I don’t think you ever did, buster. “Not that he’s fared much better…” He looked to you for a sign of agreement, or even understanding. You offered him neither.

 

“Whatever it is that you choose… or whoever… you have my blessing.”

 

“I never asked for it.” He sounded so sanctimonious right now.

 

“I meant no disrespect.” Of course you didn’t Thor. His face was pained; like there was something he wanted to say, but he didn’t have the words. Wouldn’t be the first time. And you weren’t waiting for him to find them this time.

 

“Very well.” You let the conversation end; and you knew that if you didn’t keep it up, he wouldn’t be able to hold it on his own.

 

“Okay.” He stood for a moment longer, grasping for whatever it was just out of reach that might save him, or you. But a glance at your impassive face let his fingertips fall and he turned away with a pat against the blanket right next to your shoulder. It was as if he was afraid to touch you; not like Loki, afraid you’d push him away; but as if he didn’t have permission and he didn’t want to breach something sacred. Like for once he wanted to be good.

 

You felt the ghost of his warmth on the sheets but it didn’t quite reach you. He was almost out of sight again when you called after him.

 

“What is it, (y/n)?” There was trepidation in his voice; but you didn’t miss the hope peeking out from underneath. It hurt more than you knew.

 

“How is Jane?”

 

A wry smile crossed his face. “She asked about you as well.”

 

“She’s a keeper.” And really, she was.

 

“If she’ll have me.”

 

His broken voice broke you as well. As if the bones within you were contracting on themselves, pulling away from your very flesh. Like you were withdrawing into yourself, one molecule at a time; but with all the empty spaces never quite filled. The distance from your beating heart and your dropping stomach, from your heaving lungs and your aching throat, all shrinking independently from each other, all tucked away but always apart.

 

This whole time you had been pulling yourself away, but here he was in front of you and it was like your soul was fighting against your body, forcing your very cells to extricate themselves as you wanted. You never asked for this; you didn’t sign up for it either. Did you fail at the only rule you couldn’t break?

 

 

Could you not stop yourself from falling in love with him? And even if you did, or if you had; would he be able to stop?

 

 

“(Y/n)…” Thor had crossed the distance between you with two steps and was looking at you like he was waiting for you to slap him or kiss him. You weren’t sure which you would do if you found the strength to move.

 

Can you see it in my eyes Thor? The struggle, the anger, the adoration and loathing for me and you and what wasn’t supposed to be us? If he was a thick-headed dolt how was he looking at you like he knew exactly what you were thinking; or that he knew exactly what you wanted? Even you weren’t sure what that was.

 

“Thor…” you let everything slip into your voice; the betrayal, the goddamned vulnerability, the despair and the disappointment; and whatever good could fall in between the sins.

 

His breath hitched as you looked into Thunder; and the storm clouds and lightning were all there, buzzing and flashing with a promise of rain. Would it wash away the harvest to nothingness? Would it fill the void of famine, the miracle in a world of drought?

 

“I’m tired, Thor.”

 

“I know, (y/n).”

 

And you closed your eyes to the visions of blue expanse, like clouds or raindrops or an ocean full of tears and prayed for sun.

 

“Get some rest, (y/n).”

 

And you felt the sting of his unshaven face with the softness of his kiss.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAHHHHHH  
> leave a comment if you liked!
> 
> random ramblings;
> 
> oh thor- missing so many screws. but oh so overprotective. HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE HIM. AND HOW CAN YOU NOT FORGIVE HIM. OH THE HUMANITY.
> 
> i'm really loving the banter here
> 
> and then the last few paragraphs- FEELSFEELSFEELS
> 
> i worked really hard on them and i think they came out beautifully. the feeling of caving in on yourself without feeling any closer within yourself.
> 
> the looking into the rain and praying for sun. (besides the thunder and lightning in Thor's crackling eyes; rain for tears, for the ultimate climax- shutuptony.)
> 
> quick poll: FAVORITELINE?! this is going to be my poll question every time now
> 
> quick poll 2: Would it wash away the harvest to nothingness or fill the void of famine?
> 
> quick poll 3: THOR OR LOKI? (based on new events in this chapter)
> 
> i'm loving this fic so much- and i've finished it so the next few chapters are EPIC. i guarantee it.
> 
> that's all this time lovelies! XOXO


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where shit actually goes down and i don't say IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN and nothing goes down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feelsfeelsfeelsangstangstangstsadnesssadnesssadness
> 
> and a bit of funny and fluff in between
> 
> leave a comment if you liked!

“You love her.”

 

“Jane.” He found her standing in the hallway outside the healer’s ward; not spying, not hiding. Just there.

 

“Does she love you?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Me neither.” She couldn’t read it; or maybe you weren’t the only one who wasn’t sure.

 

“Jane-“

 

“Stop.” She closed her eyes tightly for a second before speaking again. “Your brother said enough.”

 

“Loki-“

 

“Is a dick.” The corners of his lips twitched, and he couldn’t help it. “But he told me the truth.”

 

“Not the whole truth.”

 

“More than you told me.”

 

“I was-“

 

“Look, I don’t want to hear your stupid excuse. There’s nothing you could possibly say to make me- to make this better.”

 

“Might make things worse though.” They turned to the sarcastic voice directly behind them.

 

“You’ve got some nerve-“

 

“Let it go, Jane.” For once Thor had the cooler head; either that or he felt utterly defeated. “You win, Loki.”

 

“I wasn’t aware there was a contest.”

 

“Nor I.” Still he stared at his younger brother, unmoving. It was Loki who finally exhaled and broke eye contact.

 

“If it makes you feel better, she does.”

 

Thor didn’t even bother asking.

 

“She does love you.” And as he whisked himself away regally, his pride fooled no one

 

 

Loki crept up to you, not wishing to disturb you. Your eyes fluttered, but he hushed you softly and tucked the blankets around you a bit tighter.

 

“Thor?”

 

“…yeah.” He didn’t know what possessed him; he actually didn’t mean to lie this time.

 

“What are we going to do?”

 

Loki couldn’t answer; had he the words to turn things to his favor, he wouldn’t have said them.

 

 

“I have to say it, Thor.”

 

“Don’t.” Whatever it was, he didn’t feel right hearing it first.

 

 

“I don’t love you.” His breath hitched as he looked at you with wide eyes, realizing you were staring right back at him now.

 

“That’s what you wanted to hear right?”

 

“(Y/n)-“

 

“That’s why you told.”

 

“What are you talking about?!” He was agitated now.

 

“You couldn’t stand Thor having two women, so you made it so he has none.”

 

Loki scoffed at you, but you were undeterred. “Two birds with one stone right?”

 

“That isn’t why!!” The others in the ward were stirring now, but your voices were getting louder.

 

“Then why?!”

 

“Because!!” Loki bristled as two healers threw him dirty glances, but continued in a harsh whisper. “I was trying to do you a favor!”

 

“Don’t give me that bullshit!” You had sat up in your anger, and noticing your improvement in health, you slid off the bed.

 

“I knew you would never tell!!”

 

“Wh-“ You were interrupted by a bout of dizziness and put a hand out to steady yourself on the bed. Well, where you thought the bed was.

 

A second later you were rushing towards the ground.

 

“Be careful won’t you!” Loki snapped as he levitated you up from where you had almost smacked your head 2 inches from the ground.

 

“If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be like this in the first place.” You realized it was a cheap shot and regretted it as soon as it came out of your mouth.

 

“I-“ He placed you back on the bed without his hands- instead using a warm blue glow. “You’re right.”

 

“Loki-“

 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered before fading away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHYYYYYYY
> 
> leave a comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> random ramblings:  
> how is it that everyone loves loki after everything!!! he really is a woobie
> 
> even i write him as a jackass and then i feel bad for him. what the hell?!
> 
> what is so likeable about this miserable god of lies?!?!
> 
> i don't know. but i like him. ergh. motherfucker. no wonder i'm so twisted in how i show it. and how i write him. 
> 
> quick poll: would you feel bad about saying “If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be like this in the first place.”
> 
> quick poll: what's your favorite line?!- i just realized how short this chapter was. it didn't feel that way when i wrote it. poo. you don't have to answer this if you didn't have one.
> 
> ugh i feel sorry for loki!! he's such a dick though! whyyyyyy!!!
> 
> stevie, this is why i write him so weird. i have lots of unresolved feelings that i can't explain. boo.
> 
>  
> 
> that's all this time lovelies! XOXO
> 
> quick poll: who do you think Thor will end up with?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHIT GOES DOWN. LAUGHS. CRIES. FEELS. FLUFF. EVERYTHING YOU WANT ON A WAFFLE AND MORE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just... cant. I JUST.
> 
> read on lovelies!!! 
> 
> leave a comment if you liked

“I don’t get it.” Jane had brought you some pastries from the kitchen after she checked on you and found you curled up with a forlorn expression on your face. You recognized her post-Thor-spat look as well, and now you were commiserating.

 

“Men.” You both rolled your eyes as you munched on your sweet roll.

 

“He went behind your back, literally gave you a heart-attack, and you’re the one feeling bad?!”

 

You shook your head. “It’s not that simple.”

 

“Seems that way to me.”

 

“Well, I’d say you’re a bit biased.” Given your connection to his brother and all, were the unspoken words that followed.

 

“A bit.” She lifted a brow at you. “Still, you’ve got to admit it’s weird.”

 

“Loki’s… well, complicated.”

 

“Clearly.” You smiled grimly. “It doesn’t seem like it, but he feels incredibly guilty about this. Actually he always feels particularly bad after something like this happens.”

 

“Could’ve fooled me.” She was right.

 

“The more Loki acts like he doesn’t care, the more he does.”

 

“Sounds like he’s in middle school.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Or his emo phase.” She shook her head ruefully. “It’s an Earth thing.”

 

“Ahh, I see.” You paused to brush some crumbs off your skirt. “Anyway, his guilty conscience always beats him up a lot worse than necessary; probably to overcompensate for his perceived aloofness.”

 

“Ugh, those sensitive types.” You agreed with a grin. “He probably cries after sex.”

 

You choked on a taffy string and she pounded your back with a laugh. “I wouldn’t know.”

 

“Oh so you two are not…?”

 

“Where is everyone getting these ideas?!”

 

“Right.” Jane rolled her shoulders back. “I guess it’s because he’s acting like such a jealous cunt. Everyone’s just assuming.”

 

“A jealous what?”

 

“Nevermind.” She reached for a goblet and nearly spit out the contents. “What is this?!”

 

“Mead.”

 

“Ugh. Doesn’t anyone drink water here?!”

 

“Hmm… the horses?” She sighed and put the goblet down. “So…about Thor…”

 

It was your turn to groan. “I know, I know, but something has to be done about it.”

 

“Shall we flip a coin?”

 

“Rock paper scissors?”

 

“I suppose we could joust.” Sometimes it is only in the most hopeless of situations that humor can be found. You exhaled slowly. “I never wanted to be with him, Jane.”

 

“I know.”

 

“And now. Do you?”

 

She looked away, blinking hard. You felt another stab in your stomach; and for once, you had an inkling of how Loki felt. “I don’t know.”

 

In the silence that followed, you could hear her ragged breaths over your own pulse beating in your ears.

 

“He loves you.” You had always known it, and you wanted her to. She couldn’t forget, not after this.

 

She nodded, slowly rocking herself back and forth on the cot beside you.

 

“He doesn’t love me.”

 

 

“That’s a lie.” You turned and saw the handsome prince in green and gold.

 

“You would know.” He winced at your words, but didn’t run.

 

“Could you excuse us for a moment, Jane?”

 

“She was here first.” You spoke before she even had the chance to open her mouth.

 

“Please.” His voice was hard, and she left with a glance behind at you, unsure.

 

 

“What do you want, Loki?”

 

“It’s not about what I want (y/n).”

 

“Oh really? Then what is it about?” Your worry about his guilt had all but evaporated in the few seconds he had been here.

 

“The truth, (y/n).”

 

“That’s not really your field of expertise, now, is it?”

 

He bristled, but bit his tongue. You were mildly impressed. “Nevertheless.”

 

“Then it’s not really your concern, at any rate.”

 

“But it is.”

 

“How?”

 

“It concerns my brother.”

 

“Like you give a flying fart.”

 

“You know I do, (y/n)!” He glared at you, but you stared back, unflinching. Thor was his sore spot; but he was also his weak spot. At the moment, you didn’t care.

 

“Just because it concerns Thor, doesn’t mean it concerns you. In fact, semantically it means the opposite.”

 

“Stop being so difficult!”

 

“No!” You shot up and gripped his forearms tightly. “You. Stop. It.”

 

He sagged slightly, defeated. Still, you kept your fingers clenched around his lean, sinewy arms.

 

“Everything you’re doing. Why are you being so selfish Loki?!”

 

He barely lifted his eyes; what was he to say? Wasn’t this how he always was? The way you always saw him?

 

“Don’t you love him?!”

 

“What do you think?!” The fire returned to his eyes briefly; you of all people should not have been asking him.

 

“Then why are you trying to make him miserable?!”

 

“I’m not!” He stomped one foot, and ripples in the ground rocked you slightly. It wasn’t only the God of Thunder who could cause the floor to tremble.

 

“Then what are you doing?!” Your throat was hoarse now, and you leaned back against the pillow, tired of fighting. You were so fucking tired.

 

“I’m just-“ He paused his rebuttal when he saw you drooping. “We can finish this later.”

 

“No, Loki.”

 

“Yes.” His voice had become confident and authoritative again. “You need rest.”

 

“No.”

 

“Yes.” He was firm; because he cared, damnit! Not because he liked being right; even though he did. Or he wanted to tell you what to do; even if he liked that as well.

 

“No more running away, Loki.” Loki pressed a palm to his forehead and let out a deep sigh. He wavered for a few moments, before finally pulling a chair over to sit next to you.

 

“I was just trying to do the best for you.”

 

“For me?!” You weren’t sure whether you were more incredulous or insulted.

 

“Yes!” His voice rang out; but it was the cry in it that startled you. He was crying out to you, and you didn’t know why.

 

 

What are you reaching for, Loki? I’m right here.

 

What is it that you want? What are you trying to do? Trying to get?

 

What’s wrong, baby brother?

 

 

“What for, Loki?” Your voice lowered. He noticed you soften, and became rigid himself.

 

“Obviously, you and Thor had messed things up.” He was speaking impetuously again. Eager to prove something; that he didn’t need your sympathy, or understanding. He didn’t want you to think he needed anything.

 

“And?” Your tone was unchanged.

 

“Thor wasn’t going to tell the truth anytime soon. He’s too much of a coward.”

 

“Debatable.”

 

“No, (y/n)!” He looked at you brimming with fury. “Everyone talks of Thor the warrior, Thor the great, the lionheart, the brave! In the end, he’s just a coward like anyone else!”

 

“Like who else, then?”

 

Loki hated how you weren’t angry anymore; why weren’t you yelling? Shouting at him? Throwing things at him even?! He preferred that to this calm, empathic you. He didn’t want this. He didn’t need this. He didn’t need you to try to understand him, to coddle him.

 

 

He didn’t need you at all.

 

 

“Like you, (y/n).”

 

 

“Like me?” Had he hurt you? Had he made his point?

 

 

“Yes. You never would have told at all. But you were both miserable in this sick little game you invented-“ he paused for a sanctimonious breath and waited for you to curse him out, to lash out at him.

 

You looked back at him with those same eyes.

 

“So I had to do the right thing and tell her.”

 

“I see.” You held your gaze at the youngest Odinson.

 

“Because she deserved better.”

 

“She did.” You didn’t deny it, which angered him more.

 

“So if anything you should thank me; not only did I solve your little problem, but I did it without your asking; without you getting your hands dirty.” He was smug, arrogant and completely ready for whatever you would finally give him.

 

“I never asked you to, Loki.” And it was that soft, wilting voice that was still trying to love him that broke him.

 

 

“I love you, (y/n).” He was kneeling by your side now, crying, sobbing over your limp body as you looked at him in astonishment. In wonder.

 

“Loki?” You didn’t understand anything and you were confused and scared, suddenly so scared. Because Loki never cried. He kept everything bottled up, and even when it spilled over, in petulance, bitterness, passive aggressiveness, he never let the tears come.

 

 

And here they were, flooding you after the storm when all you had asked for was sun.

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, Loki.” You reached your fingers to smooth his beautiful black hair that had become uncharacteristically disheveled.

 

“No, (y/n)…” he was looking at you earnestly now, and so you looked back, unknowing, waiting.

 

“I did it because I wanted better for you.”

 

“Loki-“

 

“He didn’t deserve you, (y/n).” He was gripping the blankets around you tightly now, willing you to understand. “And you, you were going to let it go.”

 

“Loki I-“

 

“But I didn’t deserve you either.” His voice cracked as he took a shuddering breath in; he never wanted to say it.

 

“And you- you were just too good. You were so good, (y/n).”

 

“Loki?!” You tried to shake him, to wake him from whatever dream you were in, but he wouldn’t move. “Loki I wasn’t good. I was with a taken man!”

 

“When he wasn’t. When he longed for her, and you knew, but you offered yourself instead, knowing you would never be her, and he would never be yours. And you relished it; when you could have hated it, hated him. You looked the truth in the eye and challenged it, unwavering. Challenged it to overtake you; to try to break you; and you lived in it instead. Unafraid and unashamed. The way it was supposed to be.”

 

“We all got hurt, Loki. We weren’t perfect, and there was no way I came anywhere close to this amazing picture you’re painting-“

 

“It’s a portrait of you (y/n).” You gaped at him, but he was looking at his Boticelli Venus, his Mona Lisa, and the only way you knew was the tiny reflection in those onyx jewels looking back at you. For the first time you were seeing him seeing you.

 

“Loki-“

 

“Please, let me finish.” He was begging now, when you never asked him to, and he didn’t need to. “You would never tell, because you’re a good woman. You promised him you wouldn’t and you would’ve kept it til the grave.”

 

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration.”

 

“To make up for my understating; you’re not just a good woman, (y/n).”

 

“I-“

 

“You are perfection.”

 

 

You looked away suddenly. You couldn’t breathe; there were dots around your eyes and your stomach was beating as fast as your heart, and you knew none of it had anything to do with what Loki had done.

 

It was what he said.

 

 

“That’s why I did it, (y/n). Because you were too good for him. Because you would never tell. Because I was selfish, (y/n).”

 

“Because I love you.” You finished what he wanted to say.

 

“I do.”

 

“Loki-“ your voice caved as you tried to focus your eyes. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

 

“You’re talking to the God of Lies here.” His voice was dry, but you pressed on.

 

“Don’t give me that, Loki.”

 

“It’s the truth.”

 

“And you’re the God of Lies. Who I’ve known for most of my life. So tell me all of it.”

 

“How could I?! When you were jubilant in his overly large arms-“

 

“You fancy yourself a coward then?” He lowered his head. “Perhaps.”

 

“No, Loki.” You had found the strength at least in your hands now and moved to tilt his chin back up at you. “Not this time.”

 

“That is true, isn’t it.” A small smile graced his face.

 

“And not the time before that either.” He looked at you, questioning. “You waited until I was unhappy.”

 

He shook his head. “Can I hide nothing from you?”

 

“You hid the rest pretty well.”

 

“Too well.” He saw your eyes crinkle and pursed his lips at you. “What am I going to do with you (y/n)?”

 

“Anything not involving a heart-attack would be preferable.”

 

“I doubt I shall ever forgive myself for that.” And that was the truth.

 

 

“Loki?”

 

“Yes, my love?” It slipped out without warning, and shocked him as much as you.

 

“Thanks for staying.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Last night.” He turned his head away but you pulled him back. “Don’t do that, Loki. I did ask you.”

 

“Not for the whole night though.”

 

“I didn’t mind.” He lifted his eyes hopefully and you felt something stirring you couldn’t stop.

 

“Was I right?”

 

“About what, (y/n)?” He wanted so bad to say my love again. He didn’t know you wanted that too.

 

“Looking at yourself from a different view. The one I offered- did it help?”

 

“My love,” he said again, and he didn’t take it back when he saw your smile. “I could only see you.”

 

 

I always could see, only you.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL
> 
> give me some love below!
> 
> random ramblings:
> 
> commiserating with Jane = Gold
> 
> WHY LOKI WHY. WHY DO I LOVE YOU. look at him. HE BLEW YOU UP. WITH HIS MAGICS. WHY YOU STILL LOVE HIM. WHY I STILL LOVE HIM?!?!?!?!
> 
> THIS STRUGGLE. I CAN'T STAND IT.
> 
> It doesn’t seem like it, but he feels incredibly guilty about this. Actually he always feels particularly bad after something like this happens.- and herein lies the secret behind every lokilover. 
> 
> THE MORE HE PRETENDS HE DOESNT CARE THE MORE HE CARES. IT'S HORRIBLE. IT'S TERRIBLE. IT'S UNHEALTHY.
> 
> IT CAN BE OH SO BECOMING. DAMN YOU PSYCHOLOGY.
> 
> and for once, you had an inkling of how Loki felt- i guess this pretty much sums up everything there is to know about loki and my twisted feelings towards him. the reason lovely knows how loki feels is because she inadvertently hurts Jane- for selfish reasons, but mostly for her own happiness, only realizing later that despite her good intentions/efforts she hurt Jane. In the same way Loki didn't mean at all to give you a heartattack... and well the rest you know from reading below.
> 
> i challenge you to still hate loki after this chapter ;) it was hard enough for me! i failed. my mission. sigh.
> 
> quick poll: FAVLINE?!
> 
> Had he hurt you? Had he made his point?- WHY LOKI WHY YOU SO UNHEALTHY. WHY WE STILL LOVE YOU?!?!?!?!? AJL;SFKJSA;LDKJFA;LFDJ;LSKDJAF;LAKJDSF;LAKJSDF;LK ERGH
> 
>  
> 
> And here they were, flooding you after the storm when all you had asked for was sun.- FEELS.TISSUES. the proverbial storm as mentioned 2 chapters before (i think it was 2) was crying. would thor lament for your love, or for his loss of jane? famine or harvest?
> 
> both were right. i was thinking it would wash away the harvest- since everything with thor was pretty much ruined and i wouldn't have you take him back EVEN IF YOU WANT TO SO DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. *cough Stevie (i know you have too much dignity i'm just giving you a hard time)* 
> 
> but then this happened and i was like... well fuck. fuck it. let lovely be happy. let loki be happy FOR ONCE. fair warning though; once fic where he gets glorified (well to the best extent of the IC loki i have) there's .... well there's stuff to come. that might not be so rainbows and sunshine.
> 
> BUT ENOUGH OF THAT.
> 
> GIVE ME SOME LOVE FOR THIS WORK OF ART! THANKS FOR JOINING ME ON THIS JOURNEY!!
> 
> quick poll 2: how do you feel about the God of Lies now?
> 
>  
> 
> What are you reaching for, Loki? I’m right here.- EEEPPP
> 
> “Like who else, then?”- yup everyne was thinking it
> 
>  
> 
> For the first time you were seeing him seeing you.- BAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> “Because I love you.”- notice how lovely phrases it in that way instead of because you love me- subtleties guys. nuance. *faints*
> 
> When you were jubilant in his overly large arms- SO JELLY. SIBLING RIVALRY. (remember when chris evans asked thor how he got so buff and chris hemsworth was like i dont know, just work out? good times. Tom never lets anyone forget that joke. i love them all. i love their characters more. is that weird?)
> 
> You looked the truth in the eye and challenged it, unwavering. Challenged it to overtake you; to try to break you; and you lived in it instead. Unafraid and unashamed. The way it was supposed to be.”- how i strive to live my life
> 
> quick poll thats not so quick 3: how do you strive to live yours? (with cookies. and candies)


End file.
